Do you remember the story from Aunty Pua when she, while blind for a time, was invited to meet the Dalai Lama in Vancouver? And how she made him laugh from his belly with the story of Poha and Popo? The Dalai Lama Principle is to “tell the whole story.” A Native woman, wracked with grief, shared the uwe wale nō of her people, a tale of woe. Historical trauma, decimation, dispossession. But Dalai Lama reignited her dignity with one potent question: “I’m sure you saved the life of at least one child?”
Whenever Aunty Pua told that story, I always wondered what it must have been like to meet the Dalai Lama but not be able to see him. To be part of an experience of collective wisdom building, of mana, but to physically be blind. This calls to mind something she said in one of our CREA-HI meetings: “We must learn to decolonize in the dark.” (Aunty Pua, CREA-HI meeting, May 14, 2024) We were discussing reciprocity in evaluation, and our relationship to land. That the work we do has to be more than just for us, the two-leggeds, that our story isn’t everything. There’s a space of non-agreement that she cherished, that her work was built on.
Is there a place you know where the whole story is not being told? Is it in your life, personally, or out there in the world but affecting you? Following up on the theme of collective efficacy, I wonder what stories we need to tell to ourselves and tell each other. What pieces of the puzzle are missing. What happens when we become brittle and are unable to come to the middle?
I think it can be hard because sometimes we grow to identify with the parts of the story that we know, or that seem to affect us the most. Aunty would remind us not to get stuck in the uwe wale nō, the tale of woe. However, sometimes, whichever side we might find ourselves on, we only are able to inherit part of the story. To me these half stories and partial truths are related to cultural historical trauma and implicit bias–the ways we judge ourselves and others, sometimes unconsciously. It can be so subtle. It takes collective reckoning and awakening to realize that we and others are more than the partial truth. Also to become aware that the part of truth we identify with might come at the expense of others, or conflict with their own truth. This is all part of being human, part of our journey that we all wrestle with (or maybe not).
When it comes to negotiation, the Dalai Lama Principle relates to the Castor Oil Principle: You have to tell what you like, not just what you no like. This means: don’t be the person in the meeting always shooting everything down. If you have to say no, also find a way to say yes. Like a spoonful of castor oil medicine, followed by a big slice of orange. Juice running down your chin. The spoonful of sugar that makes the medicine more palatable. We could use some sugar these days. (Or some non-tariff grade B maple syrup, or some great local honey from a farmer and their bee friends we might happen to know.)
I hope this week you have a big belly laugh like the Dalai Lama did when Aunty told the story of Poha and Popo. I hope you are able to engage the world with a sense of gentle wonder, like the Dalai Lama did when asking for the whole story.
Here’s a long quote from Aunty Pua for your week, as we all contemplate the ways of the world now. You could replace the word “evaluation” here with many other words and it would still resonate with where we find ourselves today. Stay strong, stay soft, whatever you need right now.
“How do we bring ‘āina intelligence to the table to help serve our people? …Queen [Liliu‘okalani] raised a new set of leadership. She had such an influence on how all the politics and processes rolled out. Western society is often about winning and losing, who is right and who is wrong. In the middle is the space of non-agreement, the space people have between the poles of agreement and disagreement. Non-agreement is a really precious space that we have to take care of. It’s in that space that meaning gets negotiated. That’s when people come to see how they see the world because of how they were raised. It’s that space of non agreement that we have to take care of with honor and dignity. As a space in which understanding and acknowledgement and seeing can happen. I hope you can all see that space as precious territory. Reciprocity in evaluation helps to keep that space sacred. Often those in power use evaluation to justify their continued power, and the rest of us get lost. What creates fairness in the exchange? What is it? It’s a very complicated question. Us being willing to handle complexity is really important among a group who is so different, with different personalities and backgrounds. In spite of those differences, we can come together. That’s why I love this group so much.” (Aunty Pua, CREA-HI meeting, May 14, 2024)
Mahalo,
Dawn
Resource: Hūlili article with many of Aunty’s principles
Moonrise on Molokai