20250217 Mondays with Aunty Pua: Guts on the Table
Showing our collective light starting with each individual
by Kara Pitt-Dandrea
(shared by Uncle Poka, and shared here with permission)Don’t go too deep into the darkness; they’re counting on it.
It snuffs out the light you bring to the world…
And that’s what they’re hoping for.
For a moment, be sad and angry and disappointed and grieve and then…
Move on.
Not because you need to live in the light,
but because you are the light the world needs.
And if you stay in the darkness…we lose that.
Let the darkness remind you of where we will not stay,
don’t make your shelter there – it was only meant to visit,
to view, a reminder of what we will not tolerate–
where we will not reside.
Keep your light where it was meant to be…
in the spaces it’s most needed.
Not because you need to live in the light,
but because you are the light
the world needs.
Aloha nui nō,
Happy Monday to you. Last week we decolonized in the dark, and this week we are the light the world needs. So much light!
This is a really busy month for me and I was thinking about what to share. In thinking about these posts, I’ve loosely been thinking about the structure of a circle with Aunty and the sequencing of her principles. Guts on the Table is one of this first activities she would do with folks. The name of the activity is so evocative and goes straight to your na‘au, your gut. In Guts on the Table we share all of names, all of who we are. In a way, sharing our names evokes our genealogy, all that came before us and all that will come after. We tell the story of our community, however we define it—and in the telling we share how we are with others, who makes up the landscape of our days, and what we value in our relationships. We go from the ancestral to the communal, and then we tell the story of our gift. It is often hard for folks to tell the story of their gift, as you many well know. I remember that is was hard for me the first few times I did it, but it was also a relief in a way to acknowledge something so true about myself and feel seen. We are taught to be humble and not be tantaran, not to brag about ourselves. But Aunty always led us into it gently, giving the opportunity for us the stretch. It’s not about out titles and degrees, but what is innately within that we have to share.
I love how Aunty always told the story of The Gift in tandem with Guts on the Table. It’s a story about a young man from her community and how her question about his gift sparked an internal journey and reclamation in him. And in later years, she shared about how he grew and had his own child, and passed that question on.
I feel like I grew up in a family that didn’t have the benefit of that question. My parents did their best, and were very gifted, but in their lives didn’t have the opportunity to be valued for the gifts they offer so humbly to those they love, those they know, those they meet. It’s been a joy in my life to recognize those gifts in them as we get older, as I (hopefully) mature. I think that’s a gift and grace we can give to each other, one Aunty gave to us too.
In thinking about how this works in our lives, in her Hūlili article (see link below) and often in conversation, I love how Aunty Pua discussed that it’s not enough to have an acute awareness of your trauma. Science validates this. Awareness of trauma alone doesn’t equal healing. You have to tell the whole story, you have to be aware of your gifts too. Feeling like you have a gift gives you an awareness of what you can contribute, even if you don’t feel valued in other ways. It gives you a way forward. Our gifts need to be activated, they need to live and be given. In that way being a part of a community and genealogy helps us find our place in the social fabric. There’s a kind of self-efficacy that grows from the seed of the gift, if you didn’t already have it.
So, my name is Dawn Pualani Naomi Mahi. I was named by my grandparents. My last name comes from my great great grandmother. My grandfather named me Pualani (he was from Waikapū and Kipahulu), and my grandmother named me Naomi (she was from Pepe‘ekeo and Okinawa). Then, someone thought Dawn was a nice name, so that’s how I became me. My name has been a pale for me throughout my life, it has protected me, even when I didn’t know it. So I’m grateful for my names, those who gave them and the gifts they give me, and the clues they give me about family and genealogy and who I can be based on who they were. What they did, what they were able to achieve, good and not so great, ambitions and stories and experiences that paved the way for me to be here, even though most of my ancestors never knew me. My mom was hānai, and I have (step)family too, so there’s hosts of invisible ancestors I know, and some I may never know.
My community is made up of many folks and places that span different geographies, islands, continents. But the one I call home is the Ko‘olau mountains. The way the green knuckles reach towards the sky, the way the waterfalls run like dogs when it rains, the way the mist covers Konahuanui on cold rainy mornings, the proximity of the mountains to the ocean and how we all live in that middle space therein. That’s part of my community. Everyone who loves and cares for these mountains is part of my community.
My answers to these questions have changed over the days and years as I have learned more about myself and gotten closer to home and community and me since I moved home a long time ago.
My gift is hard to articulate to a screen, perhaps harder to say it by myself without being in a group of folks who can share back. That too has changed over the years, but: I’m a connector. Aunty Pua once called me a firestarter. That’s all I’ll say for now, but I’m happy to be in a circle with you anytime and talk about our gifts. And what we want to do with our gifts, together.
Thanks for reading this free write. In the end all my writing is the same—I just want to connect. Hope you put some of your Guts on the Table this week! And I hope you have the joy of feeling loved and supported by your community as we unfold together.
♥️ Dawn
Resource: Hūlili article with many of Aunty’s principles
Dawn on Kaua‘i