Below the Piko

modified: June 16, 2007

Building the Beloved Community: Theory and Practice
Developed by Puanani Burgess

Things to think about:
Often, we find ourselves amongst “strangers” even if we’ve lived next door to them, or gone to temple or church with their families, or worked with them for years, or lived in the same household with them… Or, as professionals, we’ve been asked to facilitate discussions among groups, or do planning with communities. In these situations, people usually speak about themselves through their titles, their professions or jobs, or through venues that have brought them status in the society. In working with groups and communities, you will be a part of a “mixed plate” of humanity of diverse cultures, education, class, spirituality, … How can we get people to relate to each other “below the piko?” The exercises described below can help people relate to each other as deeply as possible in a relatively short period of time.

1. The fundamental principle when asking people to do these or any exercises is: “Never ask someone to do something if you have never done it before or are not willing to do it first.” Facilitators need to model willingness to take risks.

2. These exercises were created for the following purposes:
a. To create a window of doubt: to get people to think, “Hmm. Maybe I don’t know everything about him/her or about this situation.” Doubt allows people to re-think, re-experience and be open to other possibilities. In either situation: 1) when you are working with a group who are strangers to each other, even if they live in the same geographical community, or 2) when you are working with a group whose members are very familiar with each other, you have to prepare the group for CHANGE. Piercing their assumptions about each other or about how they see the situation is a primary function of these exercises.
b. If you’ve created that window of doubt, then the next step is to create a space for curiosity and a way to respond to that curiosity. “Hmm. I wonder what he/she is really like? I wonder what this situation is really about?”
c. If you’ve created and responded to curiosity, you may have created surprise, which can be positive or negative. “Oh, I didn’t know he/she had those beliefs. I’d like to know more and would like to work with him/her,” or, “I don’t want to work with him/her now that I know his/her beliefs,” or, “I need to know more.”
d. To create a willingness to work with each other or to explore developing a working relationship with open mind and heart. e. To create an environment of intimacy, trust and reciprocity in an intense, time-limited and safe process. In this fast-paced time we live, there is so much mobility in our society, that the kind of time that our grandparents had for developing relationships is not our reality.

3. Facilitators have to be the most aware and have 180 degree vision. In each of the exercises, you, as facilitator, have to be willing and able to go DEEP, if you are to lead others into deeper waters.

–Excerpt from A Gift of Aloha, by Aunty Pua in 2007

Aloha mai kākou,

Recently Mauna shared with me some of his mom’s files. In there was this “Gift of Aloha” document, which was one way she would share poems, practices and facilitation with a group. I’m not sure which particular circle this document was prepared for, but this opening section is an awesome primer and intro into her curriculum and way of being with a group.  

I feel like we need this now more than ever. It can be hard to keep our hearts and minds open in the face of the differences we experience in our society. In the face of CHANGE. Change is inevitable, and it can feel piercing, but how can we metabolize our assumptions to be open to something newer, better, or just different on the other side? At least that gives us our own agency as we encounter things that can be uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel like my capacity for curiosity about the other gets frazzled. Aunty Pua had a lovely way of meeting you in the moment just where you were. That sense of being seen and heard allowed profound relational shifts to occur. How can we sit with ourselves and each other with wonder and willingness, whether on a long car ride, a circle, or in other parts of life?

I hope this wonder and willingness finds you this week. 

Mahalo,
Dawn

Photo taken 5/16/25 Kula, Maui