Legendary uncle status

When Someone Deeply Listens to You
By John Fox (shared by Aunty Pua in 2013)

When someone deeply listens to you
It is like holding out a dented cup
You’ve had since childhood
And watching it fill up with

Cold, fresh water.
When it balances on top of the brim,
You are understood.
When it overflows and touches your skin,
You are loved.

When someone deeply listens to you. The room where you stay
Starts a new life
And the place where you wrote

Your first poem
Begins to glow in your mind’s eye. It is as if gold has been discovered!

When someone deeply listens to you, Your bare feet are on the earth
And a beloved land that seemed distant
Is now at home within you.

I’m engaging in the process of moving homes. I found out while I was on vacation that I have to find a new place to live—and so the hunt has been on. I think I’ve settled on a new place, not necessarily where I’d love to live forever, but a place to lay my head and call home for now. I have a good friend who lives in the same complex. Amongst many other things, he’s a wonderful cook. Without that familiarity and sense of community inherent in living near a good friend, I’d probably still be looking.

I’m so grateful for the sense of community we have here, and realize how tenuous it can be. It’s so important to continue to cultivate all the relationships we can, if we have the privilege of time and resources to do so. Last night we went to an event to celebrate and fundraise for the local organization Hale Kipa. I was excited for their vision to build a kauhale, a community for youth to thrive and grow. It’s holistic—they thought of all the different aspects it will take to help youth not just get a job and a place to live, but to heal, grow, love themselves, and succeed in life. They gave awards to youth who really exemplify the spirit of Hale Kipa’s mission. These youth have overcome difficult circumstances beyond their control. I was moved by their stories and felt their tears, their joy, their pride, the obstacles they are still overcoming. To be a young person coming from such difficult circumstances and finding a job, their first apartment, to save money for the future, to be parents, is an astounding achievement in today’s Hawai‘i.

It reminds me that helping folks find where hope lies is so important. Aunty Pua always said that—the deepest layer of pono is HOPE. And that’s what Hake Kipa does every day.

As I was cleaning out my craft closet today, I found an orange card from Aunty Pua. One simple sentence she took the time to write, thanking me for something I don’t remember. The simple act of mahalo and recognition, to put the stamp on and drop it in the mail. Even now I appreciate that she took the time to do that. 

Can you think of a time when you were with Aunty Pua in-person or virtually, and she just listened to you? And then asked the most perfect question or murmured her support and curiosity? Aunty Pua has been a mentor to so many of us, just like those young folks at Hale Kipa had mentors. Mentors who cared for them unconditionally and saw them through their most trying times. I felt such gratitude for these everyday heroes, these aunties making a difference in the lives of these young folks. Most of the partner organizations at my work do this too. No matter our circumstances, we all need mentorship, recognition, unconditional regard. We all need to matter to someone. 

In our BTBC group a couple of weeks ago folks couldn’t make it, so it was just me and the Uncles, Uncle Pat and Uncle George. This is rare. I was on vacation in Japan and it was early in the morning there. We reminisced about their times living in Japan back in the day, their adventures of younger days. I deeply appreciate their stories and their regard. Towards the end, they asked me about me. And there, in the circle where we are usually peers, they gave me some solid and amazing Uncle advice. Both of these guys have mentored so many people in their careers, in some ways bordering on legendary Uncle status. And to receive their aloha and guidance, I am so, so grateful.

I hope that you get to have a feeling soon from folks you love of that unconditional regard—being seen, being safe, having time and space to grow and be, just as you are, as you are meant to be.

Mahalo,

Dawn

PS: Happy birthday to my sister!!

Kawazu sakura—early cherry blossoms at the Tokyo Flea Market, 2/22/26.